Epic (or Not Quite Epic, But Fine)

Today's film?

Epic (61% on Rot Tom, 6.8 on IMDB)

Epic was based on a William Joyce book called The Leaf Men and the Brave Good Bugs; I think they should have stuck to that title. It was a mixture of Avatar, Ferngully, and Thumbelina. Possibly a dash of The Secret of Nimh 2: Timmy to the Rescue (if you were into that kind of thing and know what I'm talking about). To be perfectly honest, I don't have a lot to say about this film. Surprising, I know. 

The writers tried pretty damn hard to create a new kind of world with different rules than the typical fantasy/family-friendly CGI stuff. So kudos for that. I suppose the most interesting characters were the Boggans: a brand-spankin new species that resembled tiny shark-rats. I haven't seen a new type of creature in a while and it was kind of exciting.

I really don't have a lot to say about this one... It was fun and a few parts were mildly amusing. If you are bored on a rainy day, go for it. I give it a 6/10 because the CGI was quite pretty. It wasn't quite "epic" but it was a decent time at the movies.

The New Arrested Development Season (or A Seriously "Arrested Development")

Today's film? Well... not a film, but the new episodes of

Arrested Development 

I solemnly swear to give nothing away! 

So, you may have been wondering why I haven't posted in a while. Here's the reason: Arrested Developments' new season on Netflix. 

I'll begin by saying how much I truly loved this show. I sat and watched it for hours and hours, cracking up consistently through its, at the time unfairly, short stint. (I've even quoted one of my favorite lines in a previous blog post ;) Recently, Netflix took the series and added a fourth season with the promise of a movie/mini-series to go along with it. After watching all fifteen of the new episodes, all I can say is that I wish I hadn't.

I was seriously disappointed by the new season and I will tell you why while doing my best not to give anything away. I think there were three main reasons it didn't work for me: 1) it became an ode to Ron Howard, and honestly, I only liked him in a narrating capacity, 2) the timeline was very confusing and 3) not a single character had a single redeeming quality. In the original series, you could always rely on Michael or George Michael to at least try to do the right thing and/or keep the family together. In the new series, you could rely on no one. The entirety of the Bluth family became a collectively terrible person in the future and it was no longer fun to watch. I am quite serious when I say I only laughed four times throughout the new season. Mostly, I felt aggravated.

I did still enjoy Gob for the most part as his plot line was the most coherent and humorous. They use a specific song particularly well the first few times... I just wished the writers had created new quirks and jokes for the characters rather than overplayed the already overplayed jokes of the original series. I give the new season a 6/10 because of how much I wanted to love it. It was a bit of an arrested development, if you forgive the pun, that could have been so much better had the writers simply tried. The show is tired and it should have remained a mighty, albeit short-seasoned, giant. I remain sad and disappointed.

Star Trek Into Darkness (or Bro-keback Mountain for Trekkies)

Today's film?

Star Trek Into Darkness (87% on Rot Tom, 8.4 on IMDB)

I am no expert on Star Trek. I have watched half of Next Generation and the 2009 movie. Even still, I felt like I understood most of the references (of which there were many). The main difference between the first film and this one was the importance of plot. In 2009, plot was essential. In 2013, not so much. 

While it was a thoroughly enjoyable experience, it mostly felt like a long action sequence jam-packed with references. I must mention how the camera enjoyed finding strange and spin-y angles for no comprehensible reason, especially when it came to Benedict Cumberbatch. Seriously, hen Cumberbatch revealed his identity (no spoilers, I promise), the camera GOT ALL UP in his business. Extreme close up simply wasn't extreme enough.

Generally speaking, the fight scenes were beautifully done and you could tell how much the actors were into it. Major props to Zachary Quinto who pretty much stole the show. Watching his bro-mance with Chris Pine was, while a bit Brokeback, a gorgeous sight to behold. 

While I wish they had solidified the plot a bit more, I must admit it was crazily entertaining. I give it a 7.5/10 and recommend it for both Trekkies (for the shout-out references and twists only they will understand) and those who know nothing about it. Being somewhere in between, I felt a little out of sorts. However, I did enjoy the final line reversal... Guess you'll have to see it to find out. Not sure if I recommend 3D, but at the end of the day it's all shards of ships flying at your face.

Extract (or The Complete Opposite of Office Space)

Today's film?

Extract (63% on Rot Tom, 6.2 on IMDB)

I went into this movie expecting something along the lines of Office Space. After all, Mike Judge wrote/directed both films and it would stand to reason that it would at least be decent with a 63%. 

All I can conclude is this: I've made a huge mistake.

Words cannot express how much I hated this movie. The plot was riddled with horrible people committing stupid and/or terrible acts. The only, and I mean only, redeeming quality was the commitment of the actors to their badly written roles. Perhaps their believability was part of the problem. I have a friend who hates television shows with casts of terrible people (one example being Arrested Development) and I never understood it until this film. I think there is a very fine line between hilarity and a big mess and, forgive the pun, this film extracts all humor out of the situations.

For a bit of plot summary, Extract is about the owner of an assembly-line-type factory that makes, you guessed it, flavor extract. He finds himself attracted to the new girl on the line (a con woman played by Mila Kunis) and decides to HIRE A GIGOLO TO SLEEP WITH HIS WIFE SO HE DOESN'T FEEL BAD ABOUT CHEATING. He decides this on horse tranquillizers. There are a series of inane subplots including a hick who is suing the company for injury of the ball sack (I am not making this up) and a neighbor who is in a perpetual state of the creep. The end tries to tie it all up in a bow, as if everything could be okay after these ridiculous circumstances.

This movie made me hate everyone for about five hours. So I give it a 2/10; at least the actors took the material seriously to a certain degree. I could tell they were trying, which is more than I can say for frittatas like John Carter. At the end of the day, I'd recommend sticking with Office Space. You'll be happier there.

The Great Gatsby (or Loud Feelings in Technicolor: The Musical)

Today's film?

The Great Gatsby (49% on Rot Tom, 7.5 on IMDB)

  
No, I have not read the book.

Walking away from the theater, I felt extremely ambivalent about The Great Gatsby. The problem with this film was that the good parts were fantastic and the bad parts were absolutely horrible. On one hand, the costumes (and many of the shots) were beautifully done. On the other hand, Tobey Maguire was terribly cast, the accents were horrendous, and the music was... not my favorite. I was in a consistent state of suspense throughout the film because I genuinely could not predict the ending; it was a nice change from the latest blockbusters I've seen. And I repeat, I have not read the book.

I know many people are gradually losing interest in the aging Leonardo DiCaprio, but I still enjoy his performances and this film was no exception. Carey Mulligan was frighteningly divine and perfectly cast. I don't know what it is about her, but she just brings out every emotion in me. The two of them were as wonderful as Tobey Maguire was awful.

Nevertheless, what I thought about most through the film was that I'd do anything on this earth to get into one of Gatsby's/Luhrmann's lavish parties. They were crazy! Champagne bottles burst with glitter and streamers across hundreds of choreographed dancers. I could have done without the R&B mash-up that corroded the scenes (think the dance sequence in A Knight's Tale on crack). I'm not sure what Baz was thinking when he decided to modernize a 1920s period piece because what he came up with mostly felt awkward. Granted, I didn't like A Knight's Tale anyway. So take that with a grain of salt.

Overall, it was an interesting take on what I can only imagine the book was like. Minus Maguire's insipid musings, I think I enjoyed it enough to give it a 6.5/10. I'm still ambivalent about it all, but I left the theater with very strong emotions. I didn't know what they meant, but they were there.

A Royal Affair (or The Beautiful Film That Never Ends)

Today's film?

A Royal Affair (89% on Rot Tom, 7.5 on IMDB)

I really wanted to love this movie. From the beginning, it looked so promising. The shots were so damn pretty. However, this film suffered from two major flaws: 1. It was far too long for the story it was telling and 2. (and I cringe as I write this) The actors weren't attractive enough to hold my attention for how long it was.

A Royal Affair tells the story of royalty, shocker, in Denmark at the beginning of the Enlightenment. The Queen has a not-so-secret affair with the King's physician. And while the film was shot magnificently, there was no chemistry between the characters and not a lot happened in the 137 minutes it took to watch it. Generally, the costumes were more interesting than the characters.

Forgive me, but when I watch a period piece based on romantic inclinations, I expect epic love scenes. That's just me. And this movie did not deliver, besides the occasional Pride-and-Prejudice-esque sweeping score. 

I understand why people love this movie. After all, the direction is clearly fantastic. I give it a 6.5/10 because, begrudgingly, it took me three days to get through it.

Rubber (or A Movie Without a Point)

Today's film?

Rubber (68% on Rot Tom, 5.7 on IMDB)

So. Rubber. I am completely serious when I say this film is about a tire that blows sh*t up with its mind. This includes bottles, small animals, and eventually human heads. And this tire is named Robert.

I was not expecting to, but I genuinely loved this movie (the first time I watched it). The plot is based on the completely absurd idea that most events in film/life occur for "no reason". And obviously, there is no reason for a killer tire to exist, so the idea works. Meanwhile, there is an "audience" that watches the film unfold, in real time mind you, with binoculars. As in, they sleep in the desert and wake up to continue watching the film, commenting as it goes along. I don't mean to get too far into film theory, but it's pretty fascinating when one of the spectators gets yelled at for videotaping the film (even though to him, it is real life...)

The only way we can gauge what the tire is feeling is by listening to the background music, which is hilarious most of the time. Especially when he explodes his first glass bottle. Pretty much priceless.

Anyway, if you aren't into meta or experimental humor you probably won't enjoy this one. It's not for everyone, but I'd recommend it if you are getting bored with predictable movies. This film is possibly the least predictable I've seen in a while and it's on Netflix, so why not.

Although I typically agree with Rotten Tomatoes, I'm going to give it a 7.5/10. I thought it was fun to watch the first time through (albeit slightly less interesting the second time). It is a film that has no point to it, but is strangely refreshing.